I’ve discovered a new park from which to watch the sun rise. I stop at the Starbucks across the street and get a refill of the Veranda Blend coffee, and then head over to the parking lot of the park. I like this park because there are actually picnic tables on the deck where I can sit and see the ocean. This eliminates the need to lug the chair that lives in the trunk of my car down to the sand.
After a week in Jamaica I hit the ground running through a combination of joys and frustrations in a weekend at work. On Monday morning I woke up at around 5:30 already contemplating the long day of heavy meetings that lay ahead of me. I knew if I didn’t start the day right, the weight of the day would wear me down. So I grabbed my coffee cup, my journal, my Bible and my camera and drove into the darkness.
When I first got to the beach it was still too dark to read or write. So I just sat at the picnic table, tuning out the world to the rhythmic crash of waves. Recent conversations re-played in my mind as I pondered the conversations that would be happening that day. When it was gradually light enough to see what I was reading, I opened my Bible to Philippians.
I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you. Since I am convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in faith, so that I may share abundantly in your boasting in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:23-27)
These verses stood out to me as another example of this tension between “where I want to be” and “where I’m called to be.” Paul had a vision of the future he would have chosen for himself. But he was also convicted about the future he wanted for those he was doing ministry with. And in order to live into their preferred future, he had to be okay with a present reality that didn’t line up with his ideal. I can relate to that.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4)
Given the reality of the tensions I was aware of, some of which would likely show up in the meetings during the rest of the day, what does it mean for me to ‘look…to the interests of others’? And how does one ‘regard others as better than yourself’ and not buy into the lie that you aren’t really worth anything? How do you regard others as better than yourself and still claim/own the strengths, gifts, uniqueness of who you are and what you bring to the table?
Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you. (Phil. 4:9)
It’s so easy for me to get distracted by all the demands others put on my time and attention. It’s easy to think that there’s more I could be doing, or something I’m not qualified enough to do, or something I’d be doing differently if I was as good as I wish I was. But what if that stuff didn’t have as much authority in my life? What would it look like to just do the things that I have learned…to trust myself and what I’ve learned? What is it that I’ve received, heard and seen that I can lean into and share?
As the sun cleared the horizon and rose fully above the waves, the landscape transformed. The temperature gradually increased. I walked down to the water and passed a crab sitting on the edge of a hole and gazing at the same sun I was watching. Going back to my spot at the picnic table I paused to marvel at the fact that for now I can be here…reading my Bible while watching the sun come up over the water. There may be days when I don’t want to be here…and those days may be increasing in frequency. But the call seems to clearly be to stay where I’m at for now. As I ponder all of that in my journal, I glance up just as a dolphin jumps clear out of the water. Often when I see a dolphin in the waves I can barely make out the outline of a fin as it barely clears the water before going back under again. But this dolphin jumped clear out of the waves…clear enough to look like the charm that sells at almost all the Florida gift shops.
More pages in my journal are filled with ponderings about work, ponderings about conversations on- and off-line, ponderings about the future, etc. As I’m rounding the bend towards the finish line, a Jehovah’s Witness interrupts me briefly to share a brochure advertising a web site that is Bible-based and helps me answer all of life’s big questions. I listen to his schpeel, accept the brochure, and encourage him to have a good day. As I take the last sip of coffee, write the last few sentences in my journal and capture a few more pictures of the ocean, I look at my watch and accept the reality that it’s time to get on with the day.
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